When I returned home after 3 days of work, I felt toxic from stuffing my face with chocolate and coffee to keep my energy from flagging. It reminded me of when I quit smoking years ago. It happened when I awoke one morning after a particularly crazy night of wine and cigarettes and a Central Park lawn party, and when I reached for my first cigarette of the day, I felt disgusted. It took so long for me to want my first cigarette that I had gone longer than ever before without smoking. I thought, OK This is my first day of not smoking. And it was.
So, to return to feeling toxic. Also bloated, tired, achy and irritable. Since that day last week, I haven't had chocolate, although coffee is still an important part of my wakeup routine. I started using agave syrup instead of sugar in the coffee, though. And I made some fresh veggie juices, cooked up some arame seaweed with carrots and garlic, made a potato leek fish soup.
All this is quite unusual for me. I'm the kind of person who would just as soon take a pill as sit down to a lunch in the middle of the day. It's just not interesting to me. Most people don't have a lot of sympathy for people like me with no appetite. But it's so wierd to have such a lack of interest in food. So I had to force myself to begin each meal preparation, and, staying in the moment without resisting this change of routine, I began to enjoy cooking. I remembered how it felt to put a pinch of something here and a bunch of chopped things there, to smell the food becoming a meal, to stir and gauge the doneness. It was actually pleasant.
The slower, more thoughtful preparations over the past week brought some other changes as well. I was eating smaller portions, because I was eating slower. I didn't wait until I was dizzy or starving to eat (usually I just grab 10 cashews, a chocolate bar and hope I don't get too lightheaded). I listened to what my body wanted before I chose what to make.
I feel so much calmer and clearer, less involved in other peoples' dramas. For me, food is so crucial to my state of mind. I've also lost a few pounds, I believe, but I haven't weighed myself. Anyhow, this is a good thing, a very good thing.
So, to return to feeling toxic. Also bloated, tired, achy and irritable. Since that day last week, I haven't had chocolate, although coffee is still an important part of my wakeup routine. I started using agave syrup instead of sugar in the coffee, though. And I made some fresh veggie juices, cooked up some arame seaweed with carrots and garlic, made a potato leek fish soup.
All this is quite unusual for me. I'm the kind of person who would just as soon take a pill as sit down to a lunch in the middle of the day. It's just not interesting to me. Most people don't have a lot of sympathy for people like me with no appetite. But it's so wierd to have such a lack of interest in food. So I had to force myself to begin each meal preparation, and, staying in the moment without resisting this change of routine, I began to enjoy cooking. I remembered how it felt to put a pinch of something here and a bunch of chopped things there, to smell the food becoming a meal, to stir and gauge the doneness. It was actually pleasant.
The slower, more thoughtful preparations over the past week brought some other changes as well. I was eating smaller portions, because I was eating slower. I didn't wait until I was dizzy or starving to eat (usually I just grab 10 cashews, a chocolate bar and hope I don't get too lightheaded). I listened to what my body wanted before I chose what to make.
I feel so much calmer and clearer, less involved in other peoples' dramas. For me, food is so crucial to my state of mind. I've also lost a few pounds, I believe, but I haven't weighed myself. Anyhow, this is a good thing, a very good thing.
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