Spinning Silk

Here is the lovely silk roving I am spinning. I don't know what I'm going to knit or weave with it yet, but it sure is lovely. My friend Judi showed me something I was doing wrong as I spin, and now the resulting yarn is more beautiful. I also have developed this technique for creating fluffy squiggly slubs every so often to create a little texture. Such fun!

Mon Reve

I've always loved the French language. Ever since I was 16 in Mrs. Catsouphes' class, it spoke to me. It brought me home to a different aspect of myself. On and off over the years, I've studied French - privately, in literature classes, on vacation.

But last week, my studies reached a new level of intensity. I took a 5-day Berlitz course, which forced me to speak French 7 hours a day with two delightful and patient French women. When I returned home each day, my brain was totally fried. But by the third day I began speaking in French to my dog, without even realizing it. By the fourth day I was on line in Starbucks trying to remember how to order something 'to go' in French, and by the fifth day I was dreaming in French. Which isn't to stay that I'm not still making many 'fautes' par jour, or not stumbling and wrapping my words around my tongue quite often.

But this experience was so good for me. It focused on performance, on learning by doing, on taking the risk of being foolish, coming out from behind the book learning. Also, when you're 58, the saying 'If not now, when' begins to have more meaning than it did earlier in your life! I'm so proud of myself, I really am, and I feel more doors will open for me in this area now that I have made a commitment to my dream.

And what is the dream? Just to master this exquisite language. To let it flow from me with ease and beauty. Pourquoi pas?

Mindful Eating

When I returned home after 3 days of work, I felt toxic from stuffing my face with chocolate and coffee to keep my energy from flagging. It reminded me of when I quit smoking years ago. It happened when I awoke one morning after a particularly crazy night of wine and cigarettes and a Central Park lawn party, and when I reached for my first cigarette of the day, I felt disgusted. It took so long for me to want my first cigarette that I had gone longer than ever before without smoking. I thought, OK This is my first day of not smoking. And it was.

So, to return to feeling toxic. Also bloated, tired, achy and irritable. Since that day last week, I haven't had chocolate, although coffee is still an important part of my wakeup routine. I started using agave syrup instead of sugar in the coffee, though. And I made some fresh veggie juices, cooked up some arame seaweed with carrots and garlic, made a potato leek fish soup.

All this is quite unusual for me. I'm the kind of person who would just as soon take a pill as sit down to a lunch in the middle of the day. It's just not interesting to me. Most people don't have a lot of sympathy for people like me with no appetite. But it's so wierd to have such a lack of interest in food. So I had to force myself to begin each meal preparation, and, staying in the moment without resisting this change of routine, I began to enjoy cooking. I remembered how it felt to put a pinch of something here and a bunch of chopped things there, to smell the food becoming a meal, to stir and gauge the doneness. It was actually pleasant.

The slower, more thoughtful preparations over the past week brought some other changes as well. I was eating smaller portions, because I was eating slower. I didn't wait until I was dizzy or starving to eat (usually I just grab 10 cashews, a chocolate bar and hope I don't get too lightheaded). I listened to what my body wanted before I chose what to make.

I feel so much calmer and clearer, less involved in other peoples' dramas. For me, food is so crucial to my state of mind. I've also lost a few pounds, I believe, but I haven't weighed myself. Anyhow, this is a good thing, a very good thing.

Claiming Authority

Claiming Authority 6/5/08

I'll begin just to begin. It seems like the first post has to be special, because it is different from all the others. It sets the tone, starts the engine.
To be an author, do you have to be your own authority, be the author of your own life first? I believe it is true for me.
I claim my life as what I deserve and I accept myself as I am. A good start.
I am going grey and cleaning up my diet.
My dreams have been so very strange that I know I need purification. One day of it confirms my intuition.
OK I have begun. The next post will be easier and more interesting.